areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
