U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You've changed since you got that strap on
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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