How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
