Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
