Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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