I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
