We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
