He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Green mimosas i think yes
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
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