omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
