where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we're chasing vodka with high fives
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
