I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
