He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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