I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
