Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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