I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
