Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
