How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
