dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
