you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
