you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
