I'm eating all of the evidence.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
