I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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