I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
