i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize