lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Soap is not a condiment
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
