so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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