So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
