So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
