things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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