I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
