That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Someone signed my nipple.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
