I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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