p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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