you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
