I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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