oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We named our party play list daddy issues
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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