Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
