So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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