i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
