We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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