You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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