I looked at my own cervix.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
