I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
