i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
