My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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