she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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