It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
