shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
