So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
