We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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