so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
