I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
