I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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