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If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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