Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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