I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize