I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
