he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
