Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
