they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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