guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
