I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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