so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm both gender and math confused
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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