I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
