You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
