hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
wow bdsm is so cute
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
