Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
