Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
