Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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