If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
