trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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