yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Ambien. No doubt about it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
