3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize