If i come over, it means nothing
I heard we made out
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
