the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
