Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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