If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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