If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
