When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
