I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
