She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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