no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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