I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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