So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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