so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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